Struggling with Church Community

I'm not sure how to say this exactly other than to just come out and say it:

I am struggling deeply with my connection and relationship with the Church and its community.

Since moving home from Mississippi, I fell quickly into a slump. I bought a small Bible study guide for myself this summer. I stuck to my personal Bible study schedule for a few days but I slowly lost interest. I am not busy at all this summer. I am not preoccupied with other things this summer. I am just simply not interested in spending time with God.

I told myself that I would attend one of the many churches around my hometown and possibly get plugged in with a small group. I have been home almost a month. I haven't even stepped inside of a church in that month. Once again: I am not busy. I am not preoccupied. I am just simply too nervous to carve out time to spend with God, the Church and His Community.

I cannot help but feel guilty about this, however I still cannot find the courage to overcome this hurdle. I think that since I will only be here in Georgia for about 75 more days before moving to Sweden... then why try? Why spend time with people, building relationships that I may never seen again? I plan to join a church after I move to Sweden. I know this fact in no way makes up for the fact that I am not connecting with a Church community now. I think that people may not want to connect with me. (Which is absolutely ridiculous) If these people are real Christians then they will reach out (to best of their ability). I guess I don't know what to expect when I do finally show up for a church service or small group meeting. All of these feelings are holding me back and I hate it.

Ugh. I am so selfish. I know it.
I am currently praying for strength to reconnect with a Christian community.

your little mouse


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